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Mature content
Life? :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 1
Mature content
To FarGone :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 1 6
Literature
wrong yet again
As I fade from your sight
Do you even care
I hold onto the light
Even as people stare
Still with all my might
Now I shed a tear
As I see
What it is I fear
But still I don't flee
You push me away
Now I am in pain
But still I stay
Trying to keep sane
I don't like this game
That you play with my heart
It's all the same
Even from the start
There is so much hurt
All in me
Why can't you see.
Or maybe you just don't want to
As I sit here and cry
Because of how I feel for you
This is not a lie
I said I love you
For the first time ever
No one else has heard those words
No not from me
I thought it meant something
But I was wrong
:iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate
:iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 6
Literature
Fallen
I told myself no
I tried so hard
Told myself i wont get hurt
No not this time
That i wouldn't fall for you
You wanted one thing
And i wanted another
We want two different things
But
I have fallen for you
Fallen hard
So here i am
And all i want
Is you
Ive tried so hard to not feel this way because i knew it wouldnt go far. ive tried not to think of it.... do whatever i can to clear my mind of you but you always come back... I dont want to feel this way im so afraid of what will happen.... i dont want to hurt you.... and i dont want to get hurt... but i know eventually one or the other will happen
:iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate
:iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 3
Literature
blinded Ghost
Around my house
I pass like a ghost
My flame has been doused
I am no host
My actions unseen
For I am not sane
Only a eye that is keen
Knows I am in pain
My end was near
And now I see
You did not shed a tear
No not for me
Casted out
Without a word
At you I shout
But I'm never heard
After I'm gone
A lonsome song
Will be played
From where I stayed
Only then will you see
As you look upon me
At what you have lost
Like that coin you just tossed
Don't be in a hurry
Not to worry
After a week
Thoughts of me will not peek
Gone from your mind
Any memory of me
They will not find
And as you see
You are blind
:iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate
:iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 3 5
Bleeding Me :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 0 Hidden :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 7 In Progress :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 3 Rose :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 1 2nd line down :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 0 Necklace :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 4 Broken :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 7 Un-Named :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 2 Constrictor Vines :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 1 My Tree of Life :iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 0 0
Literature
Crushed
In my travels
I wear my necklace
It keeps me strong
Helps me stand my ground
This one necklace
Had an effect like no other
Seemed magical to me
Always kept close to my heart
Made me feel like someone cared
When it hung around my neck
It made me feel better
Chased away all evil
Once I took it off
all that changed
And instantly felt different
In this trip
So far from home
Wearing my necklace
Feeling good
As I wait for you
I get this awful feeling
My nerves ready to break
I reach to the necklace
Hoping for reassurance
But not this time
No its not there
Gone
I'm crushed by this weight
Everything falling apart
Hands shakey
My necklace is gone
I feel so bad
It ment so much
Reduced to ash
After a major fire
This is how I feel
Heart crushed
Beaten down
Feeling so low
Where do I go
:iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate
:iconsuicidalhate:suicidalhate 1 1

Favourites

Mermaids :iconme-sleepy:me-sleepy 4 7
Literature
Eyes Like Glass
A girl with such sad eyes
Soulless and tearful
Full of misfortune and loss
A heart that beats no more
She writes steadily
The note that will end her life
She spills her hearts burden
On to every page
Knowing some may miss her
She cant bring herself to care...
...It hurts to much...
Tears fall from eyes of sorrow
Despair chills her every bone
So much is gone
The ink is running down the page
As she cries from eyes like glass
She ends her life
Her is visions fading and closed in darkness
She doesn't really mind the cold anymore
The pain is gone.
:iconLadyxBluexBullet:LadyxBluexBullet
:iconladyxbluexbullet:LadyxBluexBullet 1 2
confused love :iconme-sleepy:me-sleepy 2 3 Fae :iconxxdemonicmuffinxx:XxDemonicMuffinxX 19 21 Lonely :iconshanieq:ShanieQ 7 13
Literature
My guardian angel
When hope is lost in itself
And i'm being swept away,
You will pull me to safety
And have the right things to say
When the sky turns angry
And i'm struck down with fear,
You hold me in your arms
Then all those worries disappear
You appear in those desperate times
With some selfless act,
You say it's nothing
Yet it touches my heart
Your shining smile
Lights that path so grey,
I need no reassurance
To know that you'll stay
I wish I could return the favour
And show you how it feels,
To have an angel by your side
When your wound needs to be healed
:iconforever-confused95:forever-confused95
:iconforever-confused95:forever-confused95 5 9
Literature
Bruises - 01
I woke before my alarm. No surprises there. Another day was dawning. Another day that I wanted no part of. How much did I wish I'd really slept? How much did I wish I didn't have to get up and live today?
My name is Sola Vidal. Yeah, it's Spanish but my family hasn't been able to speak it for generations and I don't look it. So don't ask about it. It's on my mothers side, by the way. It might have been on my fathers too but we haven't seen him for years. I don't know if my parents actually divorced or he just left and she moved on. I was little when it happened. I don't remember much before the age of eight.
I'm seventeen now. Well, nearly. My birthday is coming up soon but I hope that they've forgotten. I don't like birthdays. Not anymore.
I slowly unfurled myself from the ball I'd curled into and tentatively reached my bare toes to the cold floor, careful not to make any noise. I sat up and eased my body over to the bathroom. It took me a while before I could bear to look at myself b
:iconCaiytlynn:Caiytlynn
:iconcaiytlynn:Caiytlynn 3 5
Literature
Bruises - 02
Rules of Survival:
Sometimes, the ones who say they love you are the ones that hurt you.
Ashton had been following her to school for a few mornings now. She never looked back. He never got caught. She either wasn't afraid or she was very afraid. He didn't know which and he didn't know what was going on with her.  He remembered when they were little. They'd known each other. They'd been friends. She stayed over a lot then, when her parents were fighting. Then her mother moved away for a while. When they came back, Sola was different. Hollow, almost. She barely remembered anything. She hadn't remembered Ashton at all.
He kept following her, kicking his shoes into the ground to slow himself down so he wouldn't catch up too much. He'd caught up with her a few times in the morning but she just slowed down more when he reached her and looked down to the ground, almost hiding from him. Either she wasn't taking the hint that he wanted to talk or she was just trying to a
:iconCaiytlynn:Caiytlynn
:iconcaiytlynn:Caiytlynn 2 6
Literature
Bruises - 03
Rules of survival:
Fear is your friend. When you feel it, act on it.</i>
***
I got home to find an empty house, which was nice. Maybe they were out together but more likely that one was getting food and the other was working. They didn't ever let me know their schedules. It made things difficult some days but what can you do?
I came into my room and put my bag down. Someone had opened my drawers. They were askew. I didn't even think about why he'd done it. And I knew it was him. I sat down at my computer and sighed before turning it on. As soon as I logged in, I knew that someone had been in it. It was a regular routine. One of them always went through my history and everything I did on the computer. I always deleted the conversations I ever had, which were rare, but sometimes, I talked with people on MSN. I usually lied. But lying was a relief because people talked to me. Really talked to me. I'd even helped a few people in better situations than mine but still pretty bad.
I
:iconCaiytlynn:Caiytlynn
:iconcaiytlynn:Caiytlynn 3 1
Mature content
Bruises - 04 :iconcaiytlynn:Caiytlynn 2 3
Mature content
Bruises - 05 :iconcaiytlynn:Caiytlynn 1 0
Literature
Bruises - 06
Rules of Survival:
Don't show that you're hurt at school. It just leads to problems
***
I wanted to stay home. Well, I didn't want to face anyone at school, but being home was worse. Being home meant he could get to me. He hadn't seen or touched me since the night before and by five in the morning, I was out of the house. My bloody sheets were in my backpack. I had thought about washing them while I was showering, trying to wash off the filth but I didn't feel clean. It made me sick to think of sleeping on these sheets again. I couldn't bear the idea.
I walked towards a park a few blocks away from my house. There would be nobody there this time of morning. I got there and walked straight to the campfire pit. There were different youth groups and daycares that came here and had bonfires. The community had brought forth the idea so that people weren't lighting fires in their backyards anymore.
As soon as I reached it, I pulled out the sheets. I stuffed them into the small a
:iconCaiytlynn:Caiytlynn
:iconcaiytlynn:Caiytlynn 1 0
Mature content
Bruises - 07 :iconcaiytlynn:Caiytlynn 1 0
Literature
Bruises - 08
Rules of Survival:
Without proof, you can't be taken seriously. If you're ever going to tell an adult, have proof.
***
I had lied to him and my mind was whirling. I couldn't let him know what was going on. I couldn't let him get involved. I hoped they hadn't phoned home and my stepfather wasn't on his way. If he was, Ashton needed to leave. He needed to leave NOW. "Does anyone know I'm here?" I asked, ignoring his comment. Ignoring him calling me a liar. I know I am, but I don't want to hear him say it. It hurt when he did. He sighed.
"Well, Terry and a few others around there know. Jake left, saying it was you. The vice principal wasn't able to catch up with him. But the rest of the school is oblivious." he answered. "Do you really care that much of what other people think?" he asked, his eyes boring into mine I looked away.
"Did anyone phone my house?" I asked softly. I peeked out of the corner of my eye in time to catch him shaking his head
:iconCaiytlynn:Caiytlynn
:iconcaiytlynn:Caiytlynn 1 1
Literature
Bruises - 09
Rules of Survival:
Telling isn't always the best thing. It just makes them angry.
***
I skipped the rest of school that day. It was just a class or two. I didn't really pay attention. I just waited outside until most of the people left before getting up and going myself. I had waited to make sure Ashton went ahead of me. I didn't want to face him right now. Then again, he probably thought things were ok now. If I didn't tell him what happened, maybe he'd leave well enough alone like any sane person would.
I'd gotten about a block away from the school when a car pulled up next to me. I held my breath and turned to see Jake, only to go into shock. It was him. My step-father. He was glaring at me and I just wanted to melt into the pavement and die. "Get in." he said in an angry voice. I didn't hesitate. I did in my mind but my body didn't delay, it knew the consequences of hesitation. I sat in the front seat as he drove home in silence. I could feel the tension as I s
:iconCaiytlynn:Caiytlynn
:iconcaiytlynn:Caiytlynn 1 0
Literature
Bruises - 10
Rules of Survival:
Always be prepared for anything. Even in your sleep. Remember to sleep lightly.</i>
***
I woke near dawn. I was glad it was the weekend, but I didn't know if I'd enjoy it. I got up, pulled on my loose clothes and snuck out of my room. He was asleep on his bed, sheets everywhere and snoring like there was no tomorrow. I silently thanked him before sneaking downstairs and going out the front door. It felt good to be in the fresh air even though it was a little cool. It was getting to me, even through my big sweater but maybe I was just shivering for another reason.
I walked for a bit, not really sure where I was going. Not aiming to go anywhere. It didn't matter where I was, just so long as it wasn't there. Wasn't near him. I ended up making my way to the park. I didn't know why I'd felt drawn here. I guess it reminded me of happier times or something like that. Or of my innocence. I hadn't gone a day without passing by and looking or at least thinking about
:iconCaiytlynn:Caiytlynn
:iconcaiytlynn:Caiytlynn 1 0

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Activity


so i have been having a really bad week. ive almost quit my job 3 times and got in a fight twice and everyone has just been pissing me off. All week i was looking forward to today. today was the day i was supposed to see you. but you txt me early in the morning saying that your mad at your mom so we cant hang out. you live in different towns? ugh :(

As a tear forms in my eye
And I start to cry
I wonder why
I even try


hey if you read this dont be offended i was just really looking forward to seeing you. and i needed some cheering up because of this horrible week. now i need alot of cheering up.

*cries*
  • Listening to: Dredg- Bug Eyes
  • Reading: a txt

deviantID

suicidalhate
Kyle
Canada
A depressed kid who is lost and doesn't have a clue on where to go in life... but i like to take pictures and write

Current Residence: Port Carling/ Milford Bay
deviantWEAR sizing preference: large
Favourite genre of music: Rock
Operating System: Vista.... i hate it
MP3 player of choice: Ipod 80gb classic
Wallpaper of choice: Zombie Response Squad
Skin of choice: My own? lmao
Favourite cartoon character: Road Runner
Interests

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconemlar-in-a-nutshell:
Emlar-in-a-nutshell Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Student General Artist
I have a new account :)
I was Sora-sweetie95 lol. Hope you're okay :) x
Reply
:iconsuicidalhate:
suicidalhate Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2011
sorry.. its been a long time hows you?
Reply
:iconemlar-in-a-nutshell:
Emlar-in-a-nutshell Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2011  Student General Artist
Oh don't worry about it :) I'm okay I guess, you?
Reply
:iconsuicidalhate:
suicidalhate Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2011
you guess?
and just ok?

im doing good thnks :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsora-sweetie95:
Sora-sweetie95 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2010
Heyy~
You zombied or something? Haven't heard from you in agessssss!
How're you? =P
x
Reply
:iconmistakenangela:
MistakenAngela Featured By Owner May 16, 2010
thnks for the fave ^^
Reply
:iconsovereign9:
sovereign9 Featured By Owner May 13, 2010  Student Photographer
YA GOT TAGGED!
[link] to my journal! XD
Reply
:iconladyxbluexbullet:
LadyxBluexBullet Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the Watch! I love your poems!
Reply
:iconsuicidalhate:
suicidalhate Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2010
your welcome
and aww thanks :blush:
Reply
:iconmistakenangela:
MistakenAngela Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2010
thnks for the watch ^^
Reply
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